Kids Need a Summer Break from the Hyper-Parent

School Breaks Offer Incidental Learning Options

Apr 23, 2009

Summer is an excellent time to teach kids the things they don't learn in school. It's also a time for parents to learn about their kids - and that can be tough.

Thanks to 24-hour cable news networks, parents tend to hear about every single kidnapping that occurs. And with the Internet, it takes mere seconds to see if Chester the Molester has moved in down the block. As a result, parents have become increasingly overprotective. Add that to hyper-competitive, and you've got kids that, instead of riding bikes and playing kickball in the summer, are locked in tutoring sessions trying to get into that pre-calc section for the 7th grade gifted children.

Older Kids Can Benefit from Less Supervision

“Kids aren’t left to their own devices enough,” said Mark O'Brien, assistant principal of student services at Glenbrook South High School, located in Glenview, Illinois, along Chicago's North Shore.

He said this is a pattern that needs to be altered – for kids to mature properly. “I think as a rule of thumb,” says O’Brien, “ we need to constantly ask ourselves that if our first and foremost charge is to have our children grow to be independent of us, then how are the activities and events we involve them in achieving this.”

“It’s really easier to fill their time, but that isn’t doing them any favors. We’ve got some very bright kids on the North Shore who go to college and have a very bad experience in their freshman year and want to transfer,” he said. And as young adults, O’Brien adds, employers are reporting issues with their new hires who “are having a real hard time accepting responsibility for what they do.”

Summer Offers Incidental Learning Opportunities

Summer, he said, is a perfect opportunity to let natural learning take its natural course. “This is a very important time for them to begin to develop and operate independently of ourselves.”

What does he advise? “Stop the playdates. Let them out into the neighborhood to establish some friendships on their own, and don’t supervise them as closely.”

O’Brien offers up this painful, but honest example of how a child can learn rejection. “If a neighborhood soccer game is played, and the child that doesn’t play very well is on the bench a lot, it can hurt. But that child learns to handle rejection. Better to learn it now, than when the first college admission rejection letter arrives.”

Don't Give Up Books Entirely

Summer doesn't have to be academics free. There are plenty of ways to squeeze in a few lessons without enrolling kids in formal classes. Glenview school counselors Jaime Medberry and Stacey Heger offer up these tips:

It's just a few weeks away from the classroom – by providing children with opportunities to learn from their own experiences, they can develop personality traits they can rely on as young adults.

Statements by Mark O'Brien are part of an April 15, 2009 personal interview with the author.

Statements by Jaime Medberry and Stacey Heger are part of an April 17, 2009 personal interview with the author.

The copyright of the article Kids Need a Summer Break from the Hyper-Parent in Parenting Tweens is owned by Kelly Konrad. Permission to republish Kids Need a Summer Break from the Hyper-Parent in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.